It happened this weekend. I was talking to a friend-I was reading a blog-I was carrying on as normal...and it hit me. That moment where you feel like you have to stop and ask God, "Why did you bring me here? I am not the person for this job. I am not equipped. You've got to pick someone else."
You know that feeling, right?
In this season of waiting and watching others live out my dreams-It's hard. And, I personally don't feel strong enough for that weight most days. More days than I would like to admit.
Most days, I want to look at God, hand Him this calling that He has placed in my life, and say, "Here it is, God. You can have it back. I CAN'T DO THIS!"
Because if I'm being real honest-real vulnerable here, this isn't at all how I pictured my life. This isn't at all how I pictured my calling-my ministry. My heart poured out for others to see.
But, even when I hand it back to Him, He gently pushes my hands back and says, "Oh, but yes you can." Because the beauty in it is that He has never left me where I am. He has never put me on this journey and just walked away-much like I want to do some days. No, He has given me this calling and ushered me all along the way. Because no one but me is equipped for exactly this life I am living.
Just when I listen to someone else talk about their life and I begin to think to myself, "I don't want to do this, I want to do THAT-I want to do what she's doing"-I am reminded THAT isn't the life He has prepared me for. This calling He has placed in my life, no matter how big or small, is my calling and it's mine to steward well.
And, when I remember that, I gently close my hands tight around this season and pull it in close to my heart. Because, there is much to learn here-about myself and about Him. So for now, I will press on with the truth that He is still sovereign, He has not left me here, and I am equipped to do exactly this.